Tag Archives: Burzum

Varg Vikernes to Be Released

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According to a news article in today’s Guardian, black metal maverick (and murderer, but…whatever) Varg Vikernes of the one-man band Burzum will soon be released from prison.  Satan must be pumped.

Vikernes, or Count Grishnackh as he is known to his bros, has served 16 years of a 21 year sentence for the murder of Mayhem‘s Øystein Aarseth and for the arson of three Norwegian churches.  Needless to say, bitch ain’t the Ja Rule of black metal.

Now, I’ll admit that Hvis lyset tar oss and Filosofem are two of my favorite metal albums, but I don’t know how comfortable I would feel if this fascist slayer were to be added to the summer festival circuit.  Though maybe VH1 should consider a “Rock of Love”-type reality show for the dude (he’s already married, but does that matter to a pagan?).  What about “Slice of Love”?

-Chris

McCain Being Monitored for Spontaneous Combustion

So, apparently someone set fire to Gov. Sarah Palin’s home church. While authorities are still uncertain as to who the culprit(s) could be, some (me) have already begun to point fingers.

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According to Central Mat-Su Fire Chief Matt Steele (a fireman AND his last name is Steele? I bet he scores with church ladies all the time), “It’s hard to say at this point. Everything is just speculation,” he said. “We have no information on intent or motive.” However, I think it’s pretty clear that either the guys above were involved or a black metal scene is burgeoning in Alaska.

Palin, who was not at the church at the time of the fire, stopped by Saturday. Her spokesman, Bill McAllister, said in a statement that Palin told an assistant pastor she was sorry if the fire was connected to the “undeserved negative attention” the church has received since she became the vice presidential candidate Aug. 29.–MSNBC

After hearing this statement, McCain’s aides quickly put him on a 24-hour spontaneous combustion watch.