Image: The Captain Beefheart Radar Station
Don Van Vliet a.k.a. Captain Beefheart is a musician (and artist and poet) that I have been fascinated with since junior high. I’ll admit that, for several years, I was more enamored by Captain Beefheart as a man (or Mojave Desert Alien, or Whatever He Is) than I was a fan of his music. However, through the years his non sequitur tunes have slowly worked their wormy way into my brain.
Here are two endlessly entertaining interviews that Don did with David Letterman. Especially amusing is the part where David asks whether it is true that the Captain can break glass with his multi-octave voice. And apparently Beefheart was a part-time protector of Pelican beaks.
It is impossible to imagine Pere Ubu, Frog Eyes, or Old Time Relijun without the influence of Beefheart, and his idiosyncratic Americana has been more subtly woven into the fabric of countless other musical expressionists. Here is the banned advertisement for the “Lick My Decals Off, Baby” album:
And here’s a video for my favorite Beefheart song, “Sure ’nuff ‘n Yes I Do” (Live in Cannes, 1968):
I have about as much interest in the Grammy Awards as I do in the size of Scott Stapp’s underwear. Buuuuuttt, I think we were all intrigued by this…
So, I think it is safe to assume that either Vince or Kanye will be gunned down outside a Las Vegas fight by year’s end. My bet’s on Kanye firing the first shot, but with Vince dealing the deathblow. I imagine The Big Daddy Gill has more NRA friends. Unless a pair of those sunglasses Kanye is willing to fly to Japan for also shoots lazers. Which isn’t too unfathomable. Have you seen what the Japanese can do with their toilets?
I have only been able to watch approximately 28 seconds of "Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew", but that has been enough for me to realize these "crews" certainly ain't no Solid Gold Dancers. Doing backflips to Rihanna just doesn't stack up against Hall & Oates-induced shoulder wiggles and jazz hands. But wait until you get a minute and fifteen seconds into this clip from Season 5 of Solid Gold. Try that
off a table the next time you try to impress the innocuously grooving girl in the corner with the bottle of Peroni. Superman that ho? Bitch please! Look at these dudes sassy-snap their fingers and tell me who be gettin' more unitard tail. Perhaps the most startling revelation in this clip comes when they introduce the #3 song. Which is by Jermaine Jackson. Jermaine Jackson. Jermaine Jackson had a #3 song. That people were paid to dance to. Ronald Reagan and Jermaine Jackson. Ahhhh the '80s!!!