McCain Being Monitored for Spontaneous Combustion

So, apparently someone set fire to Gov. Sarah Palin’s home church. While authorities are still uncertain as to who the culprit(s) could be, some (me) have already begun to point fingers.

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According to Central Mat-Su Fire Chief Matt Steele (a fireman AND his last name is Steele? I bet he scores with church ladies all the time), “It’s hard to say at this point. Everything is just speculation,” he said. “We have no information on intent or motive.” However, I think it’s pretty clear that either the guys above were involved or a black metal scene is burgeoning in Alaska.

Palin, who was not at the church at the time of the fire, stopped by Saturday. Her spokesman, Bill McAllister, said in a statement that Palin told an assistant pastor she was sorry if the fire was connected to the “undeserved negative attention” the church has received since she became the vice presidential candidate Aug. 29.–MSNBC

After hearing this statement, McCain’s aides quickly put him on a 24-hour spontaneous combustion watch.

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