Category Archives: T.V.

Canadians Can Ruin Anything, Even Sex

This Canadian PSA is a total boner-kill…and it features a rapping penis (and I don’t mean Diddy).  Happy Friday everyone!


Celtic Frost – Into the Crypts of Rays (1985)

Back in sixth grade I had a friend who ran a clandestine tattoo business in between some alley trash cans.  He also may have killed a kid named Ticklish Timmy.  For months I debated what design I wanted permanently etched onto my neck: The Animaniacs?  “No Fear”?  “Sixth Grade Rulez”?  I finally made the logical decision and went with the Celtic Frost logo.  I’ve never once regretted my choice.

The following song appeared on the band’s highly influential debut, Morbid Tales (1984), and this performance is taken from a 1985 television appearance.


The Yachting Life of Captain Man Hands: Episode 2

In the much-anticipated second episode, Captain Man Hands learns how to steer his yacht.


Ricky Gervais Kicks it With Elmo

It appears that truly no one is safe from the current economy-raping.  It was announced last week that Sesame Street would be cutting its’ workforce by 20%.  I’m hoping that Ernie had enough in his rainy day fund to help prop up Bert as he looks for a new job.

I never thought I’d be writing a post about Sesame Street.  Here are some outtakes from Ricky Gervais’ interview with Elmo:


The Yachting Life of Captain Man Hands: Episode 1

In this award-winning premiere episode, Captain Man Hands shows the world the joys of exercise while living the yachting lifestyle.  “Directed” by Chris Piercy and starring Travis Rhynes.

2009: The Year I Will Watch the Grammy’s

Radiohead?  M.I.A. possibly giving birth on-stage?  T.I.?  Katy Perry possibly giving birth to a migraine?  Lil’ Wayne!?!?  Yeah, I’ll be watching…on DVR, of course.  You think I have 3 hours to devote to something like that?  What am I, a blogger?!?


Fishing With John (Episode 4)

From The Criterion Collection essay by Michael Azzerrad:

At some point in their lives, probably every sleepless person has switched on the TV in the wee hours of a weekend morning and chanced upon a fishing show. Invariably, a beefy, half-forgotten retired athlete shares a boat with some laconic, baseball-hatted master of the piscatory art, patiently awaiting a bite. The pace is glacial, the visuals unmoving, the murmur of the narrative positively narcotic. It’s the visual equivalent of ambient music. When a hooked fish finally breaks the surface, it’s as momentous as when the creature bursts out of that guy’s stomach in Alien.

The comedic potential of this mise en scène did not go unnoticed by John Lurie. Watching some droll home videos of himself and his buddy Willem Dafoe fishing together, Lurie, a man who is nothing if not always thinking, swiftly came to a brilliant realization: Here was a way to deduct his vacations from his income tax! This was the genesis of Fishing With John…(Cont.)

“Fishing With John: Episode 4” (Dir. John Lurie, 1991)


The Wiener Circle (NSFW)

There are certain experiences in this wacky, mixed-up world that I always look forward to: my next sushi meal, the first sign of Spring, and a new episode of “This American Life“.  Among all the finer things one can partake in, the reassuring voice of Ira Glass coming through the radio each week is up near the top.  It seems that, no matter what the subject may be, I have never been let down by this show.  I laugh, I cry, and I always feel like I come away with a better understanding of what it means to be human.

This past week I finally got around to watching Showtime’s televised version of “This American Life” and was unable to turn it off until I had watched each episode of the first season.  From the bizarre world of modern pig farms to a Mormon artist searching for bearded men, it is  essential viewing. 

The following is a clip focusing on the drunken and usually profane culture surrounding a little hot dog stand in Chicago called The Wiener Circle.  It features a lot of dirty words, but it’s a pretty fascinating vignette.  So, check it out!

Catty Fashion Commentary Monday


Image: AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian 

“What could distract people from my Independent Woman Making a Really Bad Permanent Choice Tattoo” asked Diablo Cody, scribe of “Juno” (which for the longest time I thought was a documentary about the Canadian version of the Grammy Awards)?  “Ah yes…I could wear my very best Hanna-Barbara dress!  And then I can make people uncomfortable by crying like Trader Joe’s just ran out of granola suppositories!  Maybe that would distract people from noticing my movie was really just “Ghost World” with a fertilized egg!  I even have Thora Birch’s haircut.  Honest to blog!”

The Bourne Dependency” won a bunch of awards no one really cares about.  I know I’m not the only one who saw “Good Will Hunting” and thought, “Gee, I sure hope that geeky Matt Damon guy goes on to become the next Pierce Brosnan action hero.” 

The Next Tupac and Biggie Beef

I have about as much interest in the Grammy Awards as I do in the size of Scott Stapp’s underwear.   Buuuuuttt, I think we were all intrigued by this…

So, I think it is safe to assume that either Vince or Kanye will be gunned down outside a Las Vegas fight by year’s end.  My bet’s on Kanye firing the first shot, but with Vince dealing the deathblow.  I imagine The Big Daddy Gill has more NRA friends.  Unless a pair of those sunglasses Kanye is willing to fly to Japan for also shoots lazers.  Which isn’t too unfathomable.  Have you seen what the Japanese can do with their toilets?