Shit Vids: Michael Bolton “Said I Loved You But I Lied”

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It seems that if enough time passes, just about any music can become ironically appreciated: Journey, Phil Collins, Christopher Cross, Mozart.  Yet, for some reason, Michael Bolton remains in the pop culture dog house.  For what?  His permamullet?  For soundtracking your wife’s third affair?  I call bullshit.  Sooner or later the hipsters will put down that ironic can of PBR and realize that The Bolt was The Man.  Did anyone ever call him “The Bolt”?  They should.  And the San Diego Chargers better make him their official mascot, pronto.  Maybe the power of that tenor will make up for L.T.’s lackluster play as of late.

When I ask myself what I expect from a decent music video, the first thing that pops into my mind is a group of horses running through superimposed fire.  You can’t go wrong with that and that is something that we get within the first 15 seconds of this video.  What could make this opening scene even better?  Cut to The Bolt holding the secrets of sex in his hands.  Then we get brief glimpses of some hot ass touching herself…IN BLACK AND WHITE!  After about a minute and a half, you may ask yourself: “Why is this video vaguely Native American?”  Probably because Native American culture is SEXXXY!  We also discover that The Bolt is waaaayyyy too sexy (Native American?) to be afraid of heights.

This video is a masterpiece of the editing room: Eagle! Fire! Sex! Chest hair! Mullet! Rocks! Horses! Perfect teeth! More mullet! Aerial shot of mullet!  Really the only part of this video that seems ridiculous is that someone would be standing on top of a mountain, in the desert, without any sunglasses.  That’s just eye damage waiting to happen.

Did I mention that this video was uploaded to YouTube by someone named “69solitarias”?  Obviously, they totally get Michael Bolton.

Chris Piercy

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New Music: Burial & Flying Lotus “Untitled”

Burial is hiding under the cap

Burial is hiding under the cap

Many moons ago a track popped up on the Flying Lotus MySpace page.  Then it vanished.  Well it’s time to get re-excited because it has popped up on a mysterious website called “YouTube”…and it is a confirmed collaboration between Burial and Flying Lotus.

It’s an understated track but it’s still a pretty interesting beating of the minds.  Hopefully this is a sign of more to come.  The music video is kind of lame tho (guffaw).

The untitled track uses elements of Dimlite’s “Ravemond’s Young Problems” (which has a pretty badazz video featuring some hawt female bench-pressin’, Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp, and a Smurf):

There’s also a snippet of V.I.C.’s “Get Silly”.  Forget a rubber band cuz you can’t put a rubber band around a milli-an:

Chris Piercy

Say It Elsewhere

A quick recap of the INTERNET WORLD:

ESPN’s DJ Gallo discusses the throwback trend of football fashion faux pas here.

For those of you who didn’t watch last night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Colbert Nation has the video of Stephen’s interview of The RZA here.

Friend of the blog and excellent photographer, Zach Gray, has a couple cool performance videos of The Non posted over at what’s going “on.” Click here.

Back in March, Seydisfjordur, Iceland was infested with Sony speakers.  Gizmodo has the video.  You should probably check it out now.

LCD Soundsystem has covered “Bye Bye Bayou”, a solo track by Alan Vega of Suicide.  22 Tracks has it streaming here.

Weekly Tape Deck has the new far out video for “Seed” by Julian Lynch here

NME has the new Girls video for “Laura” here.  If you don’t already own this record, GET TA GETTIN’!

Gorilla vs. Bear has a live video of The xx performing “Basic Space” here.

MP3:

The xx – “Basic Space

Chris Piercy

Are the Heene Boyz the New Beasties?

The Balloon Boy in a Few Years

The Balloon Boy in a Few Years

Today the world stopped what it was doing to watch a balloon fly across the Colorado sky.  Usually this would mean that the world was really, really stoned.  Turns out, this wasn’t entirely the case.

Now that Falcon Heene is a bonafide celebrity (and due to the Beastie Boys’ current hiatas), perhaps his brotherly rap group can finally get the respect it deserves.  I really don’t know how the following video still has less than 3,000 views.  IT SAMPLES COLD!!!  These kids are going to be huge.

*UPDATE: Apparently the view count has gone from less than 3,000 to OVER 124,000 in just a couple of hours.  Ladies and gentlemen: meet the new viral sensation!

Chris Piercy

Is Hannah Montana Better Than Indie Rock?

On October 5th, Vampire Weekend (or Vamp Wknd as they will forthwith be known) leaked the first song off their upcoming album, Contra, to the internets.  An album which is apparently being released on Ralph Lauren’s upstart label Yachts What She Thread.

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In July, which totally seems like three years ago in Internet Time, Miley Billy Ray Ray Hannah Montana Cyrus released her hit single “Party in the U.S.A.”; a song to soundtrack her fashion-forward Wal-Mart clothing line.

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In “Horchata” and “Party” we have two equally divisive pop songs: one approved for rice milk drinking indie preps and one specially formulated for Dr. Thunder chugging “regular kids”.  Both are completely horrendous and that’s the end of the story. You can go back to playing your Nintendo now.

Well, not exactly.  I recently loaded both songs onto my Sony Walkman and spent an afternoon playing them ad infintium.  Both ditties have ridiculously catchy choruses that all the q-tips  in the world couldn’t scrape from my brain.  They also each have intermittently annoying verses that make me want to search out the nearest guillotine.

Here are the opening lines to Vamp Wknd’s song:

“In December drinking horchata/I’d look psychotic in a balaclava”

Here are the opening lines to Miley’s tune:

“I hopped off the plane at LAX/with a dream and a cardigan”

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take white girls singing about cardigans over white dudes singing about balaclavas any day.  I like cardigans.  It’s a sensible outfit for sensible kids hopping off planes.  And I’ve TOTALLY hopped off of planes at LAX!  I can relate to that!  Drinking horchata while wearing a balaclava might be psychotic, but I’m more concerned about how annoying it sounds to sing about doing so.

Our Literacy Trumps Your Record Sales

Our Literacy Trumps Your Record Sales

Some have claimed that Vamp Wknd are merely a pleasant musical representation of how small our world has become.  These dudes listen to NPR.  They probably own some bitchin’ high life vinyls.  I’m sure they voted for that guy from Kenya.  I’m down with all of that, and I don’t begrudge their Ivy League education.  If I had also gone to Columbia I probably wouldn’t be writing a blog about Hannah Montana right now.  I found their debut album to be pretty nice, but did I suddenly start listening to Vamp Wknd more than Graceland or Hall & Oates?  No.  Maybe if they had mustaches.

My Dad Can Beat Up Paul Simon

My Dad Can Beat Up Paul Simon

I have never watched more than 38 seconds of an episode of “Hannah Montana”, but I’m certainly aware of its existence and cultural importance.   Miley Cyrus is a huge pop culture figure and a young woman whose music I had somehow managed to avoid…even in my occasional trips to Wal-Mart.  But when someone writes a song this catchy, that makes a meta reference to working your hips to Jay-Z, eventually it is going to reach my ears.  Like yeaaahhhh.  And I have to admit that, between these two songs, “Party in the U.S.A.” somehow seemed less annoying than “Horchata” after double-digit listens.  Maybe it’s because I’m lactose intolerant and don’t really care for rice.

You can download “Horchata” here.

I don’t love or hate either of these tunes.  They both exist in the part of my brain that I call “The Muppet Zone”: a place that is repelled and attracted by cute/annoying pop culture.  Sometimes these songs are Kermit and sometimes they are Miss Piggy, but the entire time my mind is being critiqued by Waldorf and Statler.

I come away from my time spent digesting these songs asking myself if catchy indie pop is really any more valid than catchy mass-marketed tween pop.  I guess the only thing that remains certain in the world is that Billy Ray Cyrus WILL sleep with your wife.  That’s a world I can handle.

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Chris Piercy

Daniel Johnston “Held the Hand” (1990)

This video is for anyone who is ever sad on cloudy days.

Chris Piercy

Say It Elsewhere

Here is a quick survey of relevant culture for relevant people doing relevant things:

Weekly Tape Deck posted a fiyah collaboration between Big Boi and Gucci Mane.  Go grab your “Shine Blockas” here.

Crawdaddy has some tantalizing news about the new XTC reissues here.

The Quietus talks to Bob Nastonovich about that upcoming Pavement reunion that nobody has been excited about (sarcasm).  Sadly, it appears this will not be a full-time reunion.  Click here for more.

Slate thinks NPR’s musical tastes are a little too white.  The proof is right here.

Swan Fungus posted Jackie-O Motherfucker’s extremely rare (300 copies, dude) double album, Flat Fixed.  Get fucked here.

Stereogum has Fever Ray’s cover of Nick Cave’s “Stranger Than Kindness” streaming right over here.

Passion of the Weiss discusses (and posts) People Under the Stairs’ slept-on video for “Trippin’ at the Disco”.  Groove here.

Bradford Cox posted a creepy-ass video of a cloud over Moscow here.

ABC News has a video review of Neon Indian’s incredible new album here.

Big Stereo posted the video for Peaches’ “I Feel Cream”, which is easily one of my favorite songs of the year.  Cream here.

Chris Piercy