Tag Archives: sex

Shit Vids: Michael Bolton “Said I Loved You But I Lied”

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It seems that if enough time passes, just about any music can become ironically appreciated: Journey, Phil Collins, Christopher Cross, Mozart.  Yet, for some reason, Michael Bolton remains in the pop culture dog house.  For what?  His permamullet?  For soundtracking your wife’s third affair?  I call bullshit.  Sooner or later the hipsters will put down that ironic can of PBR and realize that The Bolt was The Man.  Did anyone ever call him “The Bolt”?  They should.  And the San Diego Chargers better make him their official mascot, pronto.  Maybe the power of that tenor will make up for L.T.’s lackluster play as of late.

When I ask myself what I expect from a decent music video, the first thing that pops into my mind is a group of horses running through superimposed fire.  You can’t go wrong with that and that is something that we get within the first 15 seconds of this video.  What could make this opening scene even better?  Cut to The Bolt holding the secrets of sex in his hands.  Then we get brief glimpses of some hot ass touching herself…IN BLACK AND WHITE!  After about a minute and a half, you may ask yourself: “Why is this video vaguely Native American?”  Probably because Native American culture is SEXXXY!  We also discover that The Bolt is waaaayyyy too sexy (Native American?) to be afraid of heights.

This video is a masterpiece of the editing room: Eagle! Fire! Sex! Chest hair! Mullet! Rocks! Horses! Perfect teeth! More mullet! Aerial shot of mullet!  Really the only part of this video that seems ridiculous is that someone would be standing on top of a mountain, in the desert, without any sunglasses.  That’s just eye damage waiting to happen.

Did I mention that this video was uploaded to YouTube by someone named “69solitarias”?  Obviously, they totally get Michael Bolton.

Chris Piercy

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Canadians Can Ruin Anything, Even Sex

This Canadian PSA is a total boner-kill…and it features a rapping penis (and I don’t mean Diddy).  Happy Friday everyone!

Chris

Last Weekend’s Party Pics

You know all those blogs postin’ pics of coked up girrrrls and boyyyyys in fancy dancy hipster swag?  Yeah…we don’t know those people.

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Chris

New First Baptist Tune

There is yet another new First Baptist Praise and Warship Band song up on the ol myspace page.  It was written by Nick Isom.  It was performed on a theramin by everyone in the world through telepathy.

 

Totally True Teepee Tales, Part One

Caught in the Snacked 
After consuming three McFlurrys late last night, and after he promptly kerbarfled on the couch, Tyler Dempsey reportedly went on a whirlwind lovemaking wing-dang-doodle.  A consuming desire to consummate a lubricious lust left seventeen pregnant in his hanky-panky path of prurience.  When pressed for comment, Tyler giggled and said, “This girly gaggle is gobbling something turkey, for I remember not a busty bacchanalia!”  However, considering his constant consumption of liquid courage, it is quite likely this Roman romp was nixed from Tyler’s noggin something nuclear.