I have never written seventy-six pages on one subject in my life (that dissertation on Prince’s “Erotic City” is only up to fifty-two); so how does the Illinois governor, Rod Blogojevich, feel about having a seventy-six page complaint filed against him and his chief of staff? What would I, Christopher Piercy, have to do to get someone to write seventy-six pages about moi? I have been trying to cause scandals for YEARS now, and the worst I’ve ever gotten is passive-aggressive emails from Baptist youth ministers (ah, First Baptist Praise and Warship Band).
Perhaps all it would require is somehow worming my way into Illinois politics. Hey, I’ve been drunk in Chicago too! In the midst of all this Blago blogging, it’s important to note that TWO previous Illinois governors are already serving prison sentences (George Ryan and Dan Walker). Illinois is apparently the Cincinnati Bengals of political police-bating. In that wobbly analogy, I guess Barack would be a less injury-prone Carson Palmer: the calm, handsome guy with a stellar passer rating. Ahem, this is why I don’t usually write about sports or politics…I can’t tell the damn difference.
I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the daunting scope of Blagojevich’s misconduct (this guy really delayed building a children’s addition to a hospital because his campaign contributors were late with their forkin’ over? Cold as ice, man.)
Any scandal which involves Wrigley Field, promises of government assistance in exchange for the ousting of editorial writers critical of said government, attempting to sell a Senate seat the way you would scalp a Bulls ticket, and calling the President-elect a “motherfucker” seems too epic to be true. But in the same year that Axl Rose attempts to sue Dr. Pepper AND a black man is elected president? Apparently 2008 was the year of the epic. Come on, feel the Illinoise!